Do you watch your children play and think how wonderful it is to see them enjoy each others company? Do you sometimes observe them and think how can they be fighting when two minutes ago they were fine? I think we all do – no two children or two friends can get on together all the time. There are going to be arguments because of the differences  in personality and rivalry.

My boys get on really well when they are in the same mood or they are sharing a passion for playing something specific. They don’t when they both want the same thing to play with or they are fighting for parental attention.

What brings your children together so they get on well and what pulls them apart?

 With the Royal Jubilee coming up it has got me thinking about children and history. History I think is one of those subjects that you really love or you really dislike and for me it was not my strongest subject if you get my drift.

There are wars, battles, coronations, stories about kings and queens, marriage, divorce, adulteries. It is our heritage as people and to an extent children should know what happened before them coming into the world even if they cannot imagine anything other than how they are living today. It explains so much of why the world is like it is today.

But there is more about history than a child learns from school. What about the history of their family? Have you explained to your children about what their grandparents, great grand-parents did and how they lived? Most children love to hear stories about their family and the adventures they had and the fact that they did not have TV or computers etc.

Have you shared your family history with your children? If not, why not? What kind of stories do you think would interest them?

 As parents, we love to see our children thriving in activities, doing well at school, in sport and having skills that set them apart from other children. We are proud of them and we tell them how great they have done but how do we stop them when they take their competitiveness too far – when they make comments and exhibit superiority over their friends?

We can encourage our children to tone it down their language and explain to them how being competitive can hurt their friends. We can also discuss the difference between healthy competition and overly competitiveness – which one do they think they are displaying?

We are great influencers in our children’s lives and competitive may come from us. Take a look at yourself and ask are you are putting too much pressure on your child to win or are you punishing your child for coming second? It is very easy for proud parents to make ‘show off’ statements about their children – comments that put pressure on your child to succeed and also make them feel they are exceptionally superior to their peers.

 Not all children find friendships easy. They may find it difficult to make new friends, keep new friends or find it hard to break away from peers they are no so keen on any more.  If your child is having difficulties maintaining friendships you can check out that they are doing the right things.

1. Are they being friendly?

2. Do they ask friends questions about the things that are important to them?

3. Do they help others if they need help?

4. Are they dependable and reliable?

5. Are they talking kindly about their friends to other friends?

6. Are they making friends with people who are the same and different to them? It can be fun to have friends who like to do the things as them but it can also be fun to learn about something new.

 Grounding is a discipline technique which many parents use when their children have gone against their wishes. They can forbid them from attending social events – parties, sleepovers, play-dates for a specific period of time (long enough for them to reflect on their behaviour) or they can stop their children doing certain activities – watching television, using the wii or playstation, any ‘punishment’ that the parent thinks their child will learn from.

Some children hate to be grounded – after all their friends can still do what they can’t and they can’t wait for the grounding period to be over. Other children see the grounding as a challenge. They will try and find a way to still see their friends or use the electronic device they were banned from.

So how effective are they? Should we use groundings and if so when?

 Every so often I get an opportunity to do something different. There was the swimsuit photoshoot that I did to show girls that women come in all shapes and sizes (yes I actually posed in a swimsuit), there was the chance to present an award at an Awards ceremony (and make a speech) and more recently there was an opportunity to be part of an amazing website http://ideamensch.com/. I was recommended to be part of it  and the reason I said yes is because I love the quirkiness and profile of the site. It showcases so many great authors and entrepreneurs who have all had an idea and brought it to life and has got them to answer some real thought provoking questions. Take a look around it. There are some great interviews and check out mine too http://ideamensch.com/naomi-richards/ – it shares with you a little bit more about me, my dreams and my passions.

It’s good to do something different. It gets you noticed and pushes you outside your comfort zone.

What have you done recently that pushed you out of your comfort zone as a parent and business minded individual?

 Despite your child being shy it is still very important that they are able to build and maintain positive peer relationships in and out of school. Having a shy child should not mean loneliness and it should not be a barrier to making friends. What it does mean is that they mean need a helping hand from you.

• Help them interact with small groups of children or just one at a time. Ask your child to invite some classmates to your house after school or at the weekend.
• Introduce them to hobbies where they can make friends with children who enjoy the same activities. Any child will often find it easier to talk to someone when they are doing the same thing.
• Suggest to their teacher that they work in a team rather than working alone.
• Talk about who they are, who they could be friends with in their class, who do they like and who has shared interests?
• Reassure your child that having friends is important but no-one needs more than a few close friends!

What have you done to help your child?

My children seem to have a love/hate relationship with boundaries. They love them because they make them feel safe and secure but hate them because it means they can’t do whatever they want when they want.

Parents set boundaries so their children know what they can and cannot do, and they know what is expected of them. They are part of growing up. If there are no boundaries then there are no consequences and children need to learn about adhering to rules – because they are everywhere. If a child receives everything they want it can make them spoilt and unappreciative of simple pleasures.

There needs to be a balance. There needs to be enough boundaries for the child to feel secure but not too many so that it hinders the child to try new things.

Wouldn’t the world be dull if we were all the same?  - we looked the same, liked the same activities and even had the same opinions. No-one would ever argue or would they?

I contributed to an article last week about a woman who was bullied because of her red hair. It struck a chord with me because I have auburn hair and it is unusual but I was never picked on because of my hair but I knew several other children who were.

Read all about Rachel’s story http://www.allabroadbaby.com/bullying-will-names-never-hurt-them/3871 and my advice about what you can do if you are being bullied for being different and tell me what were your childhood experiences of not being the same as everyone else. What did your parents and teachers tell you to do?

Where is your child learning respect? Is it at school or is it at home – or both. Respect, I believe begins at home. If we want our children to be respectful, we have to be. But what does that ‘respect’ look like?

Respect is about calling each other by our proper names/nick names/real names if they don’t offend – Mum, Dad, John, Jill, Mumsy, Poppa.  It is talking to each other instead of shouting, asking others if you can use/have something of theirs, it is talking nicely to each other, making time and thinking about other’s needs.

We need to model that behaviour and teach our children ‘to do as we do’. We have to live our values and if one of those is respect, then we’ve got to behave respectfully.

How do you model ‘respect’ in your household?

It can be difficult to let go of your children – let them go off with their friends and have social freedom, let them go to the shops on their own or walk to school – even letting them make choices for themselves.

I was thinking the other day about how much I have let go of my oldest son. I allow him to cross small roads on his own whilst I am watching, I let him make his own decisions within reason of what toy he buys at the toyshop and let him pay for it himself (using his pocket money). I also allow him to make decisions how he spends his time and I also let him be. I used to find the last one difficult but it is so important that we let our children be – to just get on with things without us orchestrating and organising them.

How easy do you find it to let go – give your child space to think for themselves and make choices? 

There are times when ignoring our children is the solution to our child’s behaviour. You know what I am talking about, ‘Ignore the bad behaviour, praise the good’.

But what do you ignore your children for? Is it for adverse behaviour – swearing, hitting or shouting? Do you use it when your child is whining? Is ignoring any child a bad thing to do? And when do you start listening again to your child and no longer ignore them?

I would love to know so please share your thoughts with me.

 So many parents come to me because they feel that their child is lacking in some of the life skills they need in life now and when they fly the nest. I wanted to be able to share a list with you of what the 10 most important life skills parents feel they want their children to possess/to be able to do. It was impossible. Hence I have had to grow the list to 20. Do you agree with my list and do you think the ones I have listed are THAT important?

1. To use their manners i.e. please and thank you
2. To consider others needs and wants
3. To listen to other people
4. To help other people
5. To be confident
6. To be able to cross the road
7. To have healthy self-esteem
8. To be able to eat nicely
9. To be able to read
   10.  To be able to write fairly legibly
   11.  To stand up for themselves
   12.  To be honest
   13.  To respect others
   14.  To take responsibility for their actions
   15.  To understand the value of money
   16.  To express themselves
   17.  To be able to problem solve
   18.  To be able to make decisions
   19.  To understand the importance of eating healthily and exercise
   20.  To not take anything or anyone for granted

 How many times a day do you think you tell your children to do something and how many times do you think you ask them? As an exercise, if you registered them all, I am sure you would be surprised that you do a lot of telling. Imagine as a child how it feels to be on the end of being told to do something and then imagine how it feels to be asked.

Which would you prefer?

Do you think it is a case of just adding a please onto a tell to make it an ask or is it your tone of voice?

 Well, it has finally become that day.  The day when my book surfaces onto the bookshelves of high street book stores and you no longer have to pre-order on Amazon.

‘The Parents Toolkit’ is now available for you to buy in paperback or for your Kindle …. HURRAY!!!!

I wrote the book for you – and hope you find it interesting, enlightening and that it gets you to think about what your children need from you in terms of friendships, communication, co-operation, feelings, sibling rivalry, parents separation, self-esteem, confidence etc.

‘The Parents Toolkit’ shares key life tools that you can use to help your children successfully navigate their childhood problems and grow up into happy, confident and resilient young adults. It is packed with real-life examples, useful hints to help you with conversations with your child and creative ideas to help them solve their own problems. You could be your own child’s life coach!

If you want to give your child the best start in life then this book can do that. It is a very easy read and very practical but then I am completely biased.

To celebrate the book launch I am giving away 5 personalised and signed copies of my book. All you have to do is:

1. Sign up to my newsletter (you will receive 100 daily top tips from me and then a monthly newsletter which includes free articles)

2. Post on the blog the daftest bit of parenting advice you have been given.

Terms and Conditions – The funniest and most interesting answers will win. The competition will end on Monday 6th February at 5pm. One entry per person only. If you have already signed up to my newsletter then just add a comment!
Good luck! 

 Many of us want our children to grow up taking responsibility for their actions and do more for themselves so that they have the skills for later life. We start by getting them to get dressed on their own and brush their teeth when they are little but what about when they are older. An older child (6 years +) is capable of getting their own breakfast and putting the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher afterwards but how much more can we ask them to do. We could get them to:

Help with meal preparation

Lay and clear the table after meals

Tidy their room

Help out with cleaning the house

Look after any pets the family has

Make their own pack lunch

What do you encourage your children to do for themselves because you know they can and how do you see the benefits?

 There can be times in family life when families somehow disconnect. It may be that each member of your family has their own schedule and they all overlap hence not getting to see each other much. It may also be that you have not made enough time for your children because it has not been physically possible. Either way you family may have become detached. The result of this is you and your children missing out on the essential interaction of sharing information and experiences.

So how can you re-connect? You can reconnect by going back to basics and getting to know your children again – their feelings, their interests, likes and dislikes. This can be as easy as sitting reading a book, playing a game or having meals together. Your child will feel valued and loved that you are showing an interest and that’s what they want most of all.

The Christmas and holiday time is perfect for re-connecting. What one thing do you plan to do to re-connect as a family in the coming weeks?

Perfectionism is the desire to be perfect. It is about setting high standards of yourself and when you don’t meet those standards feeling disappointed and possibly useless, a failure etc. These high standards are generally unrealistic but still we will put ourselves under unnecessary pressure to succeed and be the best. Being a perfectionist has, in my eyes, one benefit and that is it makes us care about what we are doing and to try hard.

I have seen many children who are perfectionists. They may want to be perfect in one area of their life or all of them. I have seen some children who have to do well academically but are quite happy to have a messy bedroom or complicated friendships. Whichever area it is they can feel anxious, stressed and tired emotionally because of the time they are putting in.

You will know if your child is striving too hard if they use words like, ‘I must’ or ‘I have to’. If they are, challenge their thoughts as to why they are thinking in that way. Say to them, ‘Why do you say you have to get 10 out of ten in your spellings?’ ‘What does it mean to you if you don’t?’

How do you deal with perfectionism in your house?