I think at some stage or another we have all been guilty of not asking for what we wanted. It may be that we have been happy to go with the flow of what others have wanted to do, have not had an opinion or that we have put our needs second. Most of the time I would say we do have an opinion as do our children.

Some of the children I see find it deeply frustrating going along with others plans but don’t speak up because they fear they will upset the other person. It is important that you get them to voice their needs otherwise they will always end up doing what their friends or family want. Do they want to be doing something they hate or would they prefer to do something they have an interest in?

To ease them into voicing their needs you can give them a choice about what they want to do. Rather than ask them such as, ‘What would you like to do?’ say something like, ‘Would you like to go to the cinema or bowling?’

How else could encourage a child to ask for what they need or want?

 Social networking is the way of the world. Children want to connect with their friends out of school by using facebook, twitter, MSN etc and there is some pressure on them to be doing what their friends are all doing. How, as a parent can we feel comfortable with our pre-teen interacting in this way? How do we protect them from cyber-bullies and predators?

1. We can set our children with private profiles so that they can talk to their friends in a closed environment.

2. We can monitor what they’re doing online by checking the history on the computer.

3. We can put the home computer in a central part of the house so that everyone has access to it and the screen is visible to all and not allow any screen that has internet connection in bedrooms.

4. Teach them what is appropriate language to use and the amount of information to give out when you don’t know who the audience is.
What other limitations do you set when your child is using socially interactive games and websites? How do you ensure the safety of your child when friending options are limitless?

 The relationship I have with both my children I would say is good. We communicate well (most of the time), they listen to me (when they want or need to) and they co-operate (without me shouting). I enjoy watching them grow and develop their minds and I love the parent/child relationship we have. But not all parent/child  relationships are easy and they all require a lot of hard work and time.

If you want to improve your relationship with your child why not try out the following:

1.  Take time to talk daily about your child’s day. Listen when they are talking to you and show you are interested.
2. Set clear rules and boundaries together and let your child make a few up themselves. Talk about the consequences of rule breaking so your child knows what will happen if they do.
3. Recognise and acknowledge your child’s feelings and notice when their behaviour changes. Changes in behaviour mean they are feeling something (good or bad).
4. Give them responsibility for their age and praise them when they do something right or when they do something without asking.
5. Think about what and how you say things to them and prepare them for what is going to happen next, ‘In 10 minutes we will …..’
6. Be consistent. Having a stable routine and structure is key to a child’s life as it is to many of us.

Have you any more to add? If so, please leave a comment so we can share parenting ideas.

 Sometimes the discipline parents use doesn’t work. It may do to start with and then it loses its novelty or it never really worked from the beginning.

Either way, how do we find the right kind of discipline for each of our children? We could ask them why it is not working and what would work better instead. In some of my coaching sessions I will ask this question and the children don’t hold back with their answers. It may be that they want to be told off in a firmer voice or that they don’t get the reward they were promised. It may be that they have to go to their room for a period of time or get a playstation ban.

If the discipline is not working in your household, would you consider asking your child for input?